


First time for everything

by Alphaziamhale (Houda3921), Houda3921



Category: GOT7
Genre: Also rating will def go up, Daddy Kink, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, For their actual first time, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Haven't written jackbum in a while i miss my gays, I mean its not just about sex, Jealous Im Jaebum | JB, Jealous Jackson, Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Rated R for chapter 7, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sexual Tension, Texting, This is gonna be hella cheesy and hella fluffy im warning yall, This is not a smut fic yall, Unresolved Sexual Tension, can't help it, memes make their way into this fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2018-10-28 05:14:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10824516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Houda3921/pseuds/Alphaziamhale, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Houda3921/pseuds/Houda3921
Summary: There is a first time for everything, and all of Jaebum's first times are Jackson.Or:From the first time Jaebum realized he wanted Jackson, to when they had their first kiss, date, argument, and everything in between.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's back??? It me!! Miss me?? I doubt it. 
> 
> This is gonna be such a long fic i am warning yall. It'sgonna be cheesy and fluffy and gay and I am so ready to get on with it. 
> 
> The first chapter is just an introduction, i will update in the next 24 hours. 
> 
> Also send me an idea for a 'first time', i might write it! 
> 
> Please comment and give me love.
> 
> My Tumblr if you want to scream at me: HUDANA.

  
There is a first time for everything.  
  
The first steps that you took as a child, and spoke words that were too incoherent to even be considered as such. The first time you tasted your favorite meal, watched your favorite movie or series, listened to your favorite artist, and read your favorite book. The first time you made a friend, then realized they weren't actually worth being called that. The first time you wanted to kiss someone, and realized what want means. The first time you got your heart broken, then swore to never love again.  
  
There is a first time for everything, yet first times don't always matter. Remembering your first steps as a child won't benefit you with anything, for what's important is that you can still walk now. Your favorite meal, movie, series, artist and book? You probably hate them now, for you have grown as a person, and tastes tend to change over the course of time.  
  
First times depend on 'who' not on 'what'.  
  
The feeling of being let down by a friend wouldn't matter if that friend wasn't special anyway. The yearning to kiss  someone for the first time isn't a big deal when you already know who you're attracted to, and the first time you thought you fell in love doesn't matter either because what's important is who your last love will be.  
  
There is a first time for everything, and first times are who not what.  
  
And Jaebum's first time is Jackson.  
All of his first times are Jackson.  
  
  



	2. First realisation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Jaebum realises that he wants Jackson, he doesn't feel the stab of it, doesn't feel that shock. He feels the same way around him that he always did before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one: First cuddles.
> 
> Please leave a comment, i love comments. 
> 
> Tumblr: HUDANA.

It doesn't happen the way romance books describe it, nor how movies portray it. When Jaebum realises that he wants Jackson, a man, a bandmate and a chinese kpop idol, he discovers just how childish and naive his ideas about romance were.  
  
The world doesn't stop spinning, and birds certainly do not start singing. Colours are still the same, the sun doesn't shine brighter, and there is no soft music playing in the background.  
  
When Jaebum first realises the depths of his want, he doesn't have a sexuality crisis nor does he label himself, and that is not because he refuses the idea of bisexuality - he has always been aware that Jackson's attracted to both genders - but simply because his mind can't think of a world where he wouldn't want Jackson the way he does now.  
  
The world doesn't stop spinning, but for the first time everything makes sense. That tingling of the spine when Jackson whispers something to him, those goosebumps that arise whenever those hands grab him or touch him by surprise and that uncomfortable itching of the skin everytime they're on someone else, they all make sense at once. It is something that Jaebum has never read in books, never heard about from his friends when talking about their girlfriends, and it makes him mad and happy at the same time.  
  
It makes him so mad that they never told him that the discovery of one's self could feel this right. This freeing.  
  
I want him, he realises, and the freeling of freedom that washes over him at that thought makes him so happy that for a moment, he thinks he could fly.  
  
When Jaebum realises that he wants Jackson, they are not sitting alone gazing up at the stars, nor are they in a life-or-death situation where one of them is about to die. Jaebum wishes it were that romantic, really, but then again he's reminded of just how much movies tend to lie. He is reminded that to like is not necessarily to love, and that to love is not a rule of boy meets girl then loves her till the day she dies.  
  
When Jaebum realises that he wants Jackson, he doesn't feel the stab of it, doesn't feel that shock. He feels the same way around him that he always did before.  
  
Jackson is sitting on the couch beside him, tightly snuggled up under his arm, and because Mark is there with them and the space is a little bit tight, the press of Jackson's body is a heat that Jaebum keeps receiving during the entire time. Something happens, someone says a joke, it doesn't matter. What matters is Jackson -tilting his head back, laughing the way he always laughed and looking the way he always looked- decides to look at Jaebum out of nowhere. What matters is that when Jackson's laugh dies in his throat and he goes to hide his face in the small space between Jaebum's shoulder and neck, Jaebum thinks that Jackson is about to kiss him, and so his body reacts without permission and decides to lean in for a kiss.  
  
Oh.  
  
_Oh_ , he thinks. And the realisation doesn't surprise him that much.  
  
  
 


	3. First cuddles

Here is the thing: Im Jaebum is not a cuddler. Hell, he's not even fond of skin ship.   
  
Well at least he wasn't. Not until a certain Jackson came into his life and messed with everything that he's ever believed in.  
  
It's a problem really, a big one.  
  
And it happens because he's allowed it to. Because apparently, when it comes to Jackson, all of Jaebum's defences come tumbling down. Apparently, he can't refuse Jackson anything because he's already spoiled him too much.   
  
So yeah, it might be Jaebum's fault that Jackson gets away with pretty much everything that he wants, but it's definitely Jackson's fault for being... well, too cute.   
  
Jaebum never knew he had a weakness for cute things with cute teeth and cute smile and cute nose and cute personality and cute way of asking for things.   
  
Again, it's Jackson's fault for being too cute. And Jaebum is only human dammit.   
  
The point of the argument is this: you can't blame him for accepting Jackson's cuddles the first time. Or the second. Or the fifth. He's actually stopped counting after the fifth, but that is besides the point.  
  
The first time, the start of it all, happens on a Friday night at exactly 10:00 pm. Not like Jaebum's paying attention to the clock or anything, but it's a movie night and movie nights in GOT7 mostly occur around that time.   
  
And like, it doesn't matter if he remembers the time exactly, or the name of the movie - even though he couldn't explain the plot if his life depended on it because a certain someone was curled up against him smelling all good and clean and distracting - because well, Jaebum's got a good memory okay? Okay.   
  
"Hyung!" Jackson says, flopping down to sit next to Jaebum and bouncing a bit as he looks at him, brown eyes bright and big.  
  
_So Cute_.   
  
Uhum.   
  
"What?" And Jaebum might have heard Jinyoung snort at his dumbfounded reaction, but what does Jinyoung know anyway?   
  
Jackson doesn't seem to be bothered. He just snuggles even closer to Jaebum, until he's practically sitting halfway on his lap. "I said, what movie are we watching?" He blinks with those big eyes at Jaebum, patiently waiting for the answer.   
  
"What movie." Actually this time Jinyoung straight up bursts out laughing.   
  
They wait until the rest of the boys join them to start watching. The big couch can only handle three people, but because Jackson asks Yugyeom to come sit next to him, and because Yugyeom prefers to watch movies with Bambam by his side, the couch ends up with four boys on it.  
  
Also Jackson is still pressed up against him.   
  
Five minutes into the movie, Jackson's arm finds its way around his.  
  
Three minutes later, Jaebum feels Jackson's head laying on his shoulder.   
  
Ten minutes after, something happens in the movie. Jaebum doesn't know exactly what it is, not because he had only been paying attention to Jackson's warmth and body glued to his side - which he certainly wasn't - but because the movie was boring.   
  
Yep.  
  
Anyway. Something happens in the movie that makes Jackson giggle, and the next thing Jaebum knows is Jackson curled up against him, one leg drawn up and a knee digging into his thigh. And Jaebum is considering to ask Jackson just what the hell he's doing, but Jackson is laughing and the way he laughs is cute and he hides his face in Jaebum's neck and it's fucking adorable is what it is.   
  
And Jaebum is only human. So they stay like that, for an hour and a half, cuddling on the couch and watching a dumb movie about some dumb shit that Jaebum is too old to pay attention to. And when the movie ends, Jaebum waits for Jackson to move off of him, just to find out that the younger one has fallen asleep. And maybe it's Jaebum's fault for being so weak, or maybe Jackson's for being too cute, but when Jaebum closes his eyes to let his head rest on top of Jackson's , he think that cuddling isn't too bad after all, so screw Jinyoung for thinking he knows everything.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate boyfriends. 
> 
> Please leave a comment. Did you know that comments make me write longer chapters and update faster? Yep.
> 
> Tumblr: HUDANA.


	4. First texts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unknown : hey (*^▽^*)
> 
> Bestleader: who are you and how did you get my number
> 
> Unknown: damn hyung haha
> 
> Unknown: its meeee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY?? CAN YOU BELIEVE??? 
> 
> scream at me in the comments please. And please tell me your fav part, if you have one. 
> 
> Tumblr: HUDANA

 

 

 

> **Unknown** : hey (*^▽^*)  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : who are you and how did you get my number  
>    
>  **Unknown** : damn hyung haha  
>    
>  **Unknown** : its meeee  
>    
>  **Unknown** :
> 
>    
>    
>  **Bestleader** : fbs5wo1  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : sor ry about that i just dropped my phone haha  
>    
>  **Princess** : omg  
>    
>  **Princess** : im so sorry hyung  
>    
>  **Princess** : is your phone okay?  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : no no you don't have to apologize  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : its my fault any way  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : my phone is ok  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : dont worry  
>    
>  **Princess** : okayy  
>    
>  **Princess** : ＼(^-^)／  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : ok  
>    
>  ♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : Jinyoung quick  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : sup  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : (*^▽^*) ＼(^-^)／  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : wat are these  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : where do they come from  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : why do they exist  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : i need full report quick  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : those r japanese emoticons that kids these days use when texting  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : but why  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : because theyre fun and they help u express yourself  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : why u askin?  
>    
>  **Jaebum** : nothing bye.  
>    
>  ♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢  
>    
>  **Princess** : whats the best leader in the world doing??  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : Jackson we haven't even debuted yet  
>    
>  **Princess** : i know but that doesnt mean you ain't the best leader ever  
>    
>  **Princess** : did u know  
>    
>  **Princess** : i have you saved in my contacts as bestleader haha  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : oh  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : thanks  
>    
>  **Princess** : what about you?  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : what about me  
>    
>  **Princess** : whats my name in your contacts  
>    
>  **Princess** : hyung??  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : its Jackson7  
>    
>  **Princess** : (≧o≦)  
>    
>  ♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : QUICK  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : what is it again  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : (≧o≦)  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : WHAT DOES IT MEAN  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : it means mad or frustrated or angry  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : oh no  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : why  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : nothing  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : im getting real tired of this shit  
>    
>  ♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : why ar e you mad? ??  
>    
>  **Princess** : i have you in my contacts as bestleader and you have me as Jackson7  
>    
>  **Princess** : i thought we were more than just bandmates  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : i  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : im sorry  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : of course were more than bandmates  
>    
>  **Princess** : huh  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : dont be upset  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : hey  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : do you want me to change it  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : i can change it  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : Jackson dont do that
> 
> **Princess** : hmm  
>    
>  **Princess** : your choice not mine  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : what do you want me to write ill write it  
>    
>  **Princess** : idk  
>    
>  **Princess** : it depends on how YOU see me hyung  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : i  
>    
>  **Princess** : never mind  
>    
>  **Princess** : i was just joking  
>    
>  **Princess** : good night ♡  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : good night.  
>    
>  ♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : so u save someones number in you r phone under the first nickname you think about  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : and u cant tell them what it is because its embarassing so u lie to them  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : and they end up being upset bc they think that u dont consider them a close friend  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : what do u do  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : you been acting real suspect today  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : whats this all about  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : answer my question first  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : first of all i would never be put in this position bc im an honest person  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : are you callin me a liar?  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : well I ain't callin u a truther!  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : second of all if this does happen to me id just tell the other person the truth  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : ha yeah no no way im i telling him  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : him?  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : thAT  WAS a typO
> 
> **Jinyoung7** : sure jan
> 
> **Jinyoung7** : now spill
> 
> **Jinyoung7** : WHO IS HE  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : DO I KNOW HIM  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : U BETTER TELL ME RIGHT NOW OR ILL FIND OUT ON MY OWN  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : what have i gotten myself into  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : IS IT A G7  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : yes.  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : IS IT JACKSON  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : how the fuck?!!  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : AHAHAHAHAHAHA  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : oh man dis is great  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : i figured it was him just from those dumb emoticons  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : hey  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : theyre not dumb  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : theyre cute  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : what do u know  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : AHAHAHAHAHAHA  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : aaaah  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : i know a LOT  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : more than any of u  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : youre....scarin me  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : hmmm  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : leave Jackson to me  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : ill talk to him  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : wtf no  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : do u want him to stay mad?  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : i  
>    
>  **Jinyoung7** : well then take a seat and let me do my job  
>    
>  **Jaebum7** : so scary i swear to god  
>    
>  ♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢  
>    
>  **Princess** : hey hyung!  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : hi  
>    
>  **Princess** : i am sorry for earlier  
>    
>  **Princess** : i was being annoying  
>    
>  **Princess** : and clingy  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : dont be  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : i like you that way  
>    
>  **Princess** : what?  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : i mean
> 
> **Bestleader** : i dont mind at all  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : i was just embarrassed thats all  
>    
>  **Princess** : i understand  
>    
>  **Princess** : i hope one day you'll feel comfortable enough to tell me  
>    
>  **Princess** : ^o^  
>    
>  **Bestleader** : i hope so too  
>    
>  **Princess** : ♡  
>    
>    
>    
>    
>    
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JB is a mess.


	5. First sign

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I present to you Jinyoung the know it all and Yugyeom the captain of the Jackbum ship.
> 
> Tumblr: HUDANA

If you ask Jinyoung about the first sign that led him to believe that Jaebum liked Jackson, he wouldn't be able to answer you. Not because he doesn't know - Jinyoung knows everything and anything that's going on with everyone anytime, thank you very much - but because the signs of want, at least on Jaebum's side, are numerous and Jinyoung doesn't give that much importance to physical attraction.  
  
Truth be told though, he was kinda intrigued (but not surprised) when he he figured out that their straight leader was not so straight after all.  
  
But that is not what matters, you see. Because yes, Jaebum does stare too much at Jackson. Yes, Jaebum likes to grab and squeeze the muscles of Jackson's arms or even zone out and drool while studying his thighs. And of course sometimes the leader loses every bit of self-control and nearly kisses Jackson in front of everyone, but to Jinyoung's amusement, the physical attraction isn't the first sign.  
  
It is the enemy. The traitor.  It is the ghost  that creeps on you until it finds the best opportunity to claim you body and soul.  
  
It is emotional want, that destroys you and brings the walls you built around your heart down. It is the hot weather that hits out of nowhere and melts the coldness of your heart. It is the power that Jackson has over Jaebum and it is the first sign that matters to Jinyoung the most.  
  
It happens so casually though: Jinyoung heads to Jaebum's room to check on him but finds him asleep with his phone laying on his chest. And Jinyoung, being the good friend that he is, grabs the blanket and goes to cover Jaebum's body, and in order to do so, of course he has to put the phone away.  
  
When Jinyoung grabs the phone and turns it around to see whether the screen was locked or not, he finds out more than he bargained for.  
  
                  °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°  
  
Jinyoung texts Yugyeom as soon as he exits Jaebum's room.  
  
**Meanhyung** : AHAHAHAHAHAHHA  
  
**Meanhyung** : OMG  
  
**Yugyeomie** : wat is it hyung  
  
**Meanhyung** : IM GONNA CRY TEARS OF JOY  
  
**Meanhyung** : LEGIT DISCOVERED THE BEST THING EVER HAHAHAHA  
  
**Yugyeomie** : WAT IS UT  
  
**Yugyeomie** : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
**Meanhyung** : alright so im only tellin u because i know u love shit like this  
  
**Meanhyung** : dont tell anyone im warning u  
  
**Meanhyung** : ill kill u then feed on ur insides  
  
**Yugyeomie** : hyung!!!  
  
**Yugyeomie** : dont tell me den if ur so worriedd  
  
**Yugyeomie** : i dont care anyway haha  
  
**Meanhyung** : its about Jackson and leader  
  
**Yugyeomie** : .....  
  
**Yugyeomie** : i am sorry i was jokin of course i care  
  
**Yugyeomie** : plz tell me i wont tell any1 not even bambam i promissss  
  
**Meanhyung** : thought so  
  
**Meanhyung** : oh man i cant believe this even happened lmao  
  
**Yugyeomie** : i am gonna act like u didnt just use lmao in a text  
  
**Yugyeomie** : now TELL ME WAT IT IS FFS !!  
  
**Yugyeomie** : :////  
  
**Meanhyung** : alright so  
  
**Meanhyung** : i go to hyung's room to check on him bc hes sick right  
  
**Yugyeomie** : right  
  
**Meanhyung** : and i find him on his bed asleep with his phone on his chest  
  
**MeanHyung** : so i go grab a blanket to cover him bc im a good friend  
  
**Yugyeomie** : ...sure  
  
**Meanhyung** : lil shit dont think i didnt catch the sarcasm in that just bc were texting  
  
**Yugyeomie** : lmaoooo  
  
**Meanhyung** : anyway  
  
**Meanhyung** : the phone was on the way so i had to put it away  
  
**Meanhyung** : so i take the phone right  
  
**Meanhyung** : i turn it around right  
  
**Meanhyung** : i look at the screen  
  
**Meanhyung** : and there it was  
  
**Yugyeomie** : THERE WAS WAT UR DRIVINGME INSANE  
  
**Meanhyung** : Jaebum hyung...he..  
  
**Meanhyung** : he had a youtube video playin  
  
**Meanhyung** : a 'Jackson Wang laughing compilation' vid  
  
**Meanhyung** : like

 **Meanhyung** : look at dis weak ass hahahahaha  
  
**Yugyeomie** : bdoah9wpq  
  
**Meanhyung** : the???  
  
**Meanhyung** : !!!  
  
**Meanhyung** : hey are u still alive  
  
**Meanhyung** : waht the hell answer me u punk  
  
**Yugyeomie** : i  
  
**Yugyeomie** : im crying hyung  
  
**Meanhyung** : what????????????????  
  
**Yugyeomie** : jaebum hyung is sick and not feelin well so he watches videos of jackson hyung to make him feel better  
  
**Yugyeomie** : this is so beautiful  
  
**Yugyeomie** : my otp is real i m cryin  
  
**Meanhyung** : da fuck is an otp

 **Meanhyung** : u know what dont answer that im done

 **Meanhyung** : im just.. gonna go  
  
**Yugyeomie** : (╥_╥)  
  
**Meanhyung** : so fkng weird is2g.  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please spam me with comments im as weak for those as JB is for Jackson.


	6. First kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He kisses him and hears a voice in the back of his mind stating 'that's the love of your life'.

Jaebum remembers all of his first kisses with Jackson.  
  
The first time? It comes from Jackson, and it is nothing but a simple kiss on Jaebum's cheek, yet it still somehow manages to make him breathless. It happens on Jackson's birthday, after the boys had gone to their rooms and only Jaebum's left alone with Jackson. Jaebum doesn't know what drove Jackson into kissing him, but he does not blame him, for Jaebum himself can still feel the excitement, the need to love and love and love and protect when he saw the surprise on Jackson's face the moment he unwrapped Jaebum's present. At that time, Jackson jumped at him, wrapped his arms around Jaebum's waist and hugged him, and as much as it felt right, there was a part of Jaebum (his heart) that still craved more.  
  
He always craves more.  
  
So Jaebum doesn't blame Jackson, no. Jaebum's actually glad that Jackson's not as afraid as he is of showing his true feelings.  
  
"Thank you." Jackson says, sounding too shy, which is uncommon for him unless it's Jaebum. He bites his lower lip and smiles with those big eyes and everyone knows by now that Jaebum is so weak.  
  
He is so weak for him and that's why he doesn't know what to do with himself. He just stands there awkwardly, hands itching and want threatening to push him over the edge, to make him take what he shouldn't yet can't help but yearn for.  
  
But bless Jackson for being the bravest. Bless him, a million times, for moving until he's standing right there in front of Jaebum. Bless him, for standing on his tip toes because he's shorter (which Jaebum lives for), and framing Jaebum's head between his strong hands to keep him in place, as if Jaebum would run anyway, as if he hasn't been dreaming about this for long enough that dreams turned into a fantasy.  
  
Jackson plants a kiss on Jaebum's left cheek, close to his mouth but not close enough, and Jaebum forgets to breathe.

* * *

  
Their second kiss, is a first on its own. For this time, it's not on the cheek, nor it is on the lips. The second kiss is a first for it is weird and it is subtle and it drives Jaebum crazy with need.  
  
It is Jaebum's fault that it happens anyway. He's been letting Jackson get away with too much (and honestly? He's not planning to stop that anytime soon), the touching and the cuddling should've made Jaebum feel awkward and uncomfortable the first time, but before he knew it, he became too accustomed to them to stop them.  
  
He's also addicted but that is besides the point.  
  
The point is that this wouldn't be happening if Jaebum wasn't as weak as he is for Jackson's touches and pretty much anything Jackson-related.  
  
  
They're on Jaebum's bed watching a show on Jackson's phone. Why, you might ask, but Jaebum doesn't know either, because it doesn't matter. What matters is that they're comfortable like this: Jackson sitting between Jaebum's legs, his back resting on Jaebum's chest, moving in synchronization with each taken breath. Jaebum keeps his hands on Jackson's waist, sometimes one hand drifts to squeeze Jackson's left arm, sometimes it brushes against the hard muscles of Jackson's stomach, but mostly it stays locked on Jackson's waist because Jaebum doesn't trust himself around a certain someone.  
  
Jackson's being good, Jaebum's being good and everything is nice and peaceful.  
  
But the thing about peace is that it never lasts for too long.  
  
Not nearly twenty minutes after the show's started, Jackson starts to fidget and squirm between Jaebum's legs. Jaebum suspects that their position might not be that comfortable for Jackson after all, so he puts a hand on Jackson's hip and asks: "your back okay?" Jackson nods, and the fidgeting stops for like five minutes before it starts again.  
  
Jaebum reaches for Jackson's phone to pause the video and looks at his face. But for some reason, Jackson avoids meeting his eyes.  
  
"Are you sure you're comfortable? You've been fidgeting all this time." He asks again.  
  
Jackson only shakes his head. "Sorry," he mutters, and that's that.

Jackson stays still after that. Mostly.

It isn't until the show's near its end, that Jaebum feels the back of Jackson's head hitting his shoulder, and before he realizes what he's doing, he rests his own head on top of the younger one's.  
  
And it's like this is the unspoken permission that Jackson has been looking for, because the moment Jaebum's chin makes contact with the top of his head, he slowly turns around until he can look at Jaebum's face for the first time since they sat here together, and Jaebum doesn't know exactly what it is that Jackson sees in his eyes when he stares into them, because the next thing he's aware of, Jackson's got his face hidden in Jaebum's neck. And before Jaebum could ask if something's wrong, the hot breath coming out of Jackson's mouth freezes the words in his own. And when Jackson's lips brush lightly but intently against the pulse point of his neck, Jaebum feels the blood in his veins grow cold then head towads his groin so fast that he feels dizzy with need and want.  
  
He pushes Jackson abruptly, apologizes, then leaves the room so fast he almost collides with Jinyoung on his way out.  
 

* * *

 

Their first actual kiss is, surprisingly, one that Jaebum initiates first.  
  
And it is how a first kiss should be.  
  
It doesn't happen because Jaebum wants to shut Jackson up, for Jaebum loves every word that comes out of Jackson's mouth. It doesn't happen while they're both drunk, nor by accident because they both have no clue what they want.

When Jaebum first kisses Jackson, it is soft; because while he's sure of himself, he's still not certain that Jackson feels the same.

When Jaebum kisses Jackson, he doesn't back him up againt the wall but pulls his body flush against him, because he needs him close as much as he needs him to feel and to know that the way their hearts are racing is a secret shared between them and no other.  
  
When Jaebum first kisses Jackson, he takes what he wants and lets Jackson take just as much.  
  
When Jaebum first kisses Jackson, there is no regret. There is only want and want and hunger for more.  
  
When Jaebum kisses Jackson, Jackson kisses back and there is only them who truly can feel and experience the beauty of that. Jaebum kisses Jackson and he does not compare it to any kiss he's ever had with any girl before, for it is incomparable. It is the first kiss that made him want it before getting to have it, only to crave more after he's had it.

He kisses him and his mind doesn't scream at him 'that's a man'. He kisses him and hears a voice in the back of his mind stating 'that's the love of your life'. 

And it's a fact.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with the gay shit. 
> 
> If you want to know more about how their first kiss went, you can read my other fic 'Confrontation'.
> 
> Comments keep me going yaaaaaaall. 
> 
> Tumblr: HUDANA.


	7. First touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with the gay shit. Also, rating has gone up because boyfriends can't keep it in their pants.
> 
> Comments. Please.
> 
> Tumblr: HUDANA.

The first time they touch each other, none of them can think straight. Not because they're drunk or on drugs, but the want and frustration makes the both of them feel high.  
  
It's intoxicating, this thing Between them, and Jaebum's as hooked on it as Jackson is.  
  
The first time they touch each other, they're in Japan. There is something about Japan that just makes them lose every ounce of self-control that they never owned in the first place when it comes to each other. The interview goes smoothly, and the boys all take part in answering the fans' questions about the new album. The mood is hype and everyone's having a good time and laughing at Jackson's jokes, Jaebum included of course, but the thing about happy atmospheres is that they mess with your brain quite heavily.  
  
It is when you're happy that you forget the reality of your surroundings the most. You stop thinking about the cruelty of the world. You no longer care about later because all that matters is now, this and now. What's worse though, is that in Jaebum's case, being in love with Jackson already takes him to that level of unreality, so you can only imagine what happens when he's got a heart full of Jackson and happiness at the same time.  
  
Dangerous, is what it is.  
  
And with each passing happy moment, the distance between them grows smaller. After each question asked, Jackson leans a bit closer to Jaebum, and with each answer given, Jaebum shrinks that distance separating their bodies until he's halfway out of his seat. People speak, the members answer, and Jaebum is dizzy with happiness and Jackson.  
  
Maybe it's not even happiness. Maybe it's just Jackson.  
  
And Jackson's smiling, content and comfortable in his own skin. Hair glowing and lips rosy, thighs too strong and thick that Jaebum wonders how his pants could handle them, wonders how he could handle them. Because he might've touched them, and he might be touching them now still, yet he doesn't fully know what it'd feel like to truly squeeze them while sitting between them.  
  
There is a lot of Jackson's body that Jaebum hasn't yet gotten to feel and taste, and it leaves him curious and hungry.  
  
Fifteen minutes into the interview, Jackson grows restless, and Jaebum's hands start to itch. The signs are subtle, but Jaebum's learned a lot by know. At one point, when Jaebum needs to comfort Jackson, to let him know that it's okay, that he totally gets it for he feels just as needy and desperate, Jaebum puts a hand on the back of Jackson's neck and tightens his hold until Jackson relaxes into the touch, until he hears Jaebum's 'you're mine and I got you' without Jaebum saying it. Jackson's response to the touch is subtle too, although not that subtle. He cranes his neck backwards, seeking more, and because he's aware that he can't get away with much, he takes what Jaebum gives him and does not complain, and when Jaebum's hand leaves his neck, he chases a ghost imprint for he can't help but crave even the simplest touch.  
  
The first time Jackson and Jaebum touch each other, they're in Japan, horny and blinded by too much pent-up sexual frustration. The first time they touch each other, they don't have the acquired level of will to stop themselves or think twice. They want, so they take.  
  
The bathroom is clean, but it's not like it'd have mattered if it weren't anyway. They left the boys in the changing room as soon as they got there. A single glance at each other and they both knew that they wouldn't make it til they get back home. Jackson looked at him, turned around and Jaebum didn't waste any more time, he couldn't, so he just looked at Jinyoung who was already staring, and gave him an apologetic look. Jinyoung, god bless his soul, only rolled his eyes and muttered 'don't be late', and Jaebum didn't once think that it would be a problem, given their current status.  
  
It's rather embarrassing, if you think about it, but Jaebum's too turned on to care.  
  
Jackson shoves him inside a bathroom stall and locks the door behind him as soon as Jaebum gets there.  
  
"Baby," Jaebum says, voice already wrecked, "baby look at me," he tells Jackson, but Jackson is not listening. Jackson's too busy unbuckling their belts with shaky, sweaty hands, so Jaebum grabs one of his hands between his, and prays to god that his voice comes out less shaky than before.  
  
"Jackson," he says, and Jackson looks up at him with those big eyes of his, pupils blown out and dark, so dark that Jaebum's drowning in them. "Yeah?" Is all that Jackson can respond with, and Jaebum feels a sense of great pride swell up inside him because the tone of Jackson's voice tells him that he's not the only one feeling this drugged, this weak. He kisses Jackson on the lips, once, licks his own then kisses him again because he can't get enough. He feels some of the tension leave the younger one's body, so his hands move on their own and he bites and licks Jackson's lips as he unbuckles their belts. He kisses him and takes and takes until there is no taste in their mouths but the other's, until they breathe as one. Jackson's right hand is cradling his head, his left one pushing his dress shirt up. When Jaebum pulls the zipper of Jackson's pants down, the boy shudders, and when he undoes his own, Jackson bites so hard on his lower lip that Jaebum moans out of painful pleasure.  
  
Jackson is a painful pleasure.  
  
"Need you so much", Jackson confesses, laying his head on Jaebum's shoulder. "Need you so much it hurts." He says, and Jaebum relates.  
  
"I know, fuck, look at you," and he touches Jackson for the first time. He takes his cock out of his underwear, but his hand doesn't fit around it all the way because it's small and Jackson might not be thicker than him, but his cock is longer. Jaebum takes Jackson in hand and Jackson fucks into it, just slightly. He bites at Jaebum's neck, wanting to leave a mark but knowing that he shouldn't, so he busies himself with something else and his hand moves from Jaebum's back to his front.  
  
Jaebum kisses Jackson on the forehead, and when he looks down, he decides that there is no sight more beautiful than Jackson's strong hand wrapped around his cock.  
  
Their hands start to move on their own record, and it feels natural, as if they've done this before, as if they were meant to do this together. "Am I doing this right?" Jaebum asks, because he needs to make this feel good for Jackson the way Jackson does for him. Jackson says "tighter," and Jaebum obliges. Jackson moans slower, and Jaebum obeys.  
  
"Fuck, baby," Jackson's killing him. He smells and feels incredible and it's killing him. "Fuck Jackson, you're so wet," and Jackson just nods and moans and jerks Jaebum off faster. "Talk to me," Jaebum says, because he needs to hear more and he never gets tired of hearing more from Jackson. But Jackson isn't able to think properly, let alone make up coherent sentences, so he responds with a short 'daddy' and Jaebum understands.  
  
"You've been so good for me," and Jackson has. "Daddy's so proud of you baby, such a good boy for me," and Jackson's cock twitches in his hand. Jackson chants yes and yes and fuck like a mantra, and Jaebum swallows each broken moan with a kiss. And just when he thought the euphoria from this couldn't get better, Jackson's hand bats his away, and the next thing Jaebum knows, Jackson got both their cocks sliding together, and if it weren't for Jackson's hand on the back of his head, Jaebum would've gotten a concussion because of how hard he let his head slam against the wall behind him.  
  
It doesn't take them long to come after that, Jaebum circles their cocks with both hands, and jerks them off slowly yet surely. He keeps sucking at the pulse point in Jaebum's neck, and Jaebum keeps moving his hands as they thrust their hips rhythmically. He feels more than he hears Jackson's "gonna cum", and he doesn't get to respond before their bodies betray them and they both cum at the same time.  
  
The first time Jaebum touches Jackson, Jackson touches him too. It's not special, and to other people it might not be the best, but it's between them and that's all that has ever mattered to them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dicks are out yaaay  
> ＼(*^▽^*)/


	8. First admission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wangay: i went through his contacts  
> Wangay: and all his contacts had their proper names on them  
> Wangay: except one
> 
> Parkgay: ???
> 
> Wangay: he's got a girlfriend and her name on his phone is princess :)  
> Wangay: he's cheating lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Princess trope makes it appearance once again say hi.
> 
> COMMENTS MAKE ME HAPPY.
> 
> Scream at me about Jackbum on Tumblr: hudana.tumblr.com

Jackson is not the type to pry on other people's business. He's not. It's just that sometimes, without meaning to, he discovers things that he definitely shouldn't have found out about.  
  
It's a double-edged sword, really.  
  
Learning new things about your new boyfriend, Jackson learns, is bound to get your feelings hurt at some point or another. If Jackson's being quite frank here, most of the stuff he's learned about Jaebum are not that bad, no scratch that, they're not bad at all. Jaebum might not be perfect, but Jackson isn't either (no matter what Jaebum says), and what makes the relationship work is that they communicate their worries and use their words instead of bottling things up inside and letting things get worse.  
  
Point is, silence is never good and Jackson and Jaebum talk about everything and anything. At least that's what Jackson believes to be true.  
  
"You just got a new message," Jackson yells at Jaebum, who's been taking a shower for more than ten minutes now.  
  
Jaebum's answer is muffled by the sound of the water coming strong out of the shower spray, "what did you say?" He yells back.  
  
Jackson gets up from his (Jaebum's) bed, and opens the bathroom's door. Jaebum's got his back turned on him,  and Jackson may be way too familiar with the sight of a naked Jaebum, but that doesn't mean it won't affect him every single time.  
  
Naked Jaebum equals a very interested Jackson. It's science. Google it.  
  
"I said someone sent you a message,  hyung."  
  
Jaebum turns his head around to look at him, shutting the water so he could speak properly. "Haven't you looked at the ID?" Jaebum asks, running a hand through his hair.  
  
Jackson's suddenly finding it very hard to concentrate.  
  
Jaebum snorts. "Jackson, eyes back up," and Jackson blushes but obeys nonetheless. "Uh, I don't know I haven't checked. Your phone just kept ringing and ringing and then it stopped. They sent you a message afterwards."  
  
"Oh shit yeah, that must've been my mom. Tell her I'm busy right now and that I'll call her later." He turns the water back on, "oh and you should join me, you know, to conserve water." He even winks, the loser, and Jackson rolls his eyes and exits the bathroom smiling like a loser himself.

 

* * *

 

 **Wangay** : he's cheating  
  
**Parkgay** : ??????  
  
**Wangay** : :)  
  
**Parkgay** : wat the hell r u talking about!!!  
  
**Wangay** : Jb is cheating :)  
  
**Parkgay** : ????????????  
**Parkgay** : on monopoly for example????  
**Parkgay** : wtf???  
  
**Wangay** : he.is.cheating.on.me.  
  
**Parkgay** : lmao yea r8  
**Parkgay** : go prank yugyeom or something u kno he ships yall  
**Parkgay** : don't try to play games wit me lol  
  
**Wangay** : I AM NOT FUCKING KIDDING  
  
**Parkgay** : holy shit ok chill  
**Parkgay** : spill.  
  
**Wangay** : i went through his phone  
  
**Parkgay** : lmao das low  
  
**Wangay** : LISTEN.  
  
**Parkgay** : ok sorry continue  
  
**Wangay** : i went through his contacts  
**Wangay** : and all his contacts had their proper names on them  
**Wangay** : except one  
  
**Parkgay** : ???  
  
**Wangay** : he's got a girlfriend and her name on his phone is princess :)  
**Wangay** : he's cheating lol  
  
**Parkgay** : wait hold up  
**Parkgay** : did you read their msgs?  
  
**Wangay** : no  
  
**Parkgay** : did you call the number?  
  
**Wangay** : no  
  
**Parkgay** : did u ask him??  
  
**Wangay** : no  
  
**Parkgay** : then how did u know its a girls number????  
  
**Wangay** : its obvious lmao  
  
**Parkgay** : dont 'lmao' me r u a fkng idiot  
**Parkgay** : u be jumping to conclusions like its parkour  
**Parkgay** : BOI  
  
**Wangay** : listen it's obvious that he's cheating and i honestly don't blame him  
**Wangay** : he obviously doesn't see a future with me and thats okay thats what I have been expecting  
**Wangay** : like im pretty sure im just a fling  
**Wangay** : i knew he'd get tired of me sooner or later  
**Wangay** : why have me and be miserable in secret while he can have a normal life with a girl like everyone expects him to  
**Wangay** : its okay really :)  
**Wangay** : it was obvious from the beginning  
  
**Parkgay** : SAY OBVIOUS ONE MORE TIME IMMA BLOCK YO ASS  
**Parkgay** : DO U WANT ME TO TEAR MY FKNG CLOTHES OFF  
**Parkgay** : ....  
**Parkgay** : dude i love you i really do  
**Parkgay** : but sometimes u act so dumb and insecure i feel like slapping some sense back into u  
**Parkgay** : im not about to go ahead and state all 100+ reasons why hyung's in love wit u  
**Parkgay** : but i can guarantee u that he loves nobody but u and he will never ever have eyes for someone other than u  
  
**Wangay** : i want to believe that  
  
**Parkgay** : BITCH U BETTER  
  
**Wangay** : but i have proof right in front of my eyes  
**Wangay** : and I can't ignore it  
  
**Parkgay** : WAT PROOF U DIDNT EVEN CHECK WTF???  
**Parkgay** : do us both a favor and go talk to him  
  
**Wangay** : no that would be uncomfortable for both of us  
**Wangay** : ill just tell him were over and thats it  
  
**Parkgay** : listen to me v carefully and i am not joking  
**Parkgay** : if u dont go talk to him and clear things up  
**Parkgay** : i swear i will upload that predebut video of urs  
**Parkgay** : u kno the one.  
  
**Wangay** : DO NOT  
**Wangay** : YOU WOULDNT DARE  
  
**Parkgay** : try me bitch  
  
**Wangay** : fukc  
**Wangay** : ok ok jeez  
  
**Parkgay** : good.

 

* * *

 

Jackson's sitting on the bed, hands sweaty and shaking, when Jaebum finally  comes out of the bathroom.

  
"Why didn't you join me?" Is the first thing he says to Jackson before going to his drawer to retrieve a pair of boxer briefs.  
  
Jackson doesn't dare look up. There is something heavy settling on his chest that's making it hard for him to breathe, let alone speak. He wonders whether those who claim to be in love could ever do this, get hurt then try to heal themselves by choosing their pride over their happiness. He wonders, whether there could ever be anything harder than this: sitting in front of the person you love the most, knowing that they're capable of hurting you the most, yet still hoping for things to workout somehow, because somehow you let your happiness depend on their presence by your side.  
  
It's fucked up. It's stupid. It fucking hurts and tears your heart apart and all you can do is sit there hopeless and watch.  
  
"Is everything okay?" Jaebums asks, tone suspicious and worried. He puts his sweatpants on and stands close enough to Jackson that their knees are touching. "Jackson?" He asks again, feeling more worried the longer Jackson keeps ignoring him.  
  
Jackson looks up, eyes red, and Jaebum drops to his knees right there and then.  
  
He cradles Jackson's head between his hands, and he's not aware of it, but he's shaking and his heart is about to beat out of his rib-cage.  
  
"Have you been crying." And it doesn't come out as a question. He asks him and the question sounds like a threat to whoever's the cause of Jackson's sorrow.  
  
Jackson shrugs, trying to appear as nonchalant about this as possible.  
  
He's ridiculed himself enough.  
  
"I uh," his voice is hoarse, betraying him and what he's fighting to hide, "I was just wondering and like it's okay I get it, I know we're not like official or anything, but," he laughs, at himself, "I thought you'd at least tell me? I mean we're still close friends, right?"  
  
Jaebum looks at his face, eyebrows furrowed and confusion written all over his face. "Tell you what? Jackson I really have no idea what you mean! Did I do something to upset you?"

Jackson chooses that moment to look him in the eyes. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

Jaebum would laugh at Jackson's question if the younger one weren't looking this miserable.  
  
"I am pretty sure the only girlfriend I have right now is you? But that doesn't count I guess since you're technically my boyfriend?" And at that, Jackson shakes his head and glares at Jaebum as if he offended him.  
  
"I'm not fucking joking."  
  
"Then what do you mean?!"  
  
"I mean there is someone out there who's saved on your phone under princess and I know for a fact that it can't be me since I'm a fucking dude-"  
  
Okay, now Jaebum's laughing.  
  
"Wait hold on, slow down," he holds up a finger to Jackson's mouth. "Did you just assume I was cheating on you because of a stupid contact nickname?"  
  
Jackson just shrugs and looks down, embarrassed.  
  
"Jackson, call me." Jaebum says.  
  
"What?"  
  
Jaebum smiles, "take your phone, and call me right now," he repeats.  
  
Jackson reaches into his pocket with shaky hands and pulls out his phone. The moment he presses the call button, Jaebum's phone starts ringing, so Jaebum reaches for it from where it was  laying on the bed next to Jackson.  
He doesn't bother looking at it, just holds up the phone for Jackson to see what's displayed on the screen.  
  
Jackson blushes so hard his ears turn red.  
  
"What does it say?" Jaebum asks, voice low and secretive.  
  
"I'm sorry," is all Jackson could respond with.  
  
"That's not the right answer." Jaebum laughs and puts his phone down after Jackson cancels the call.  
  
"It says princess," Jackson says, somehow managing to blush harder. He hides his face between his hands and wishes the ground could open up ad swallow him whole. "I was being stupid and I had no reason to doubt you. I am so sorry, I understand if you're mad-"  
  
Jaebum cuts him off, "I'll tell you a secret," he says, "but first, stop hiding your face from me." Jackson uncovers his face and Jaebum chooses that moment to kiss him on the nose, because his boyfriend is cute and Jaebum's weak.  
  
"Remember when we were texting that time and you asked me about your nickname on my phone?" Jackson nods, so Jaebum continues, "the thing is Jackson, I had you saved as princess and I was too embarrassed to tell you the truth. I didn't know how I truly felt about you back then, guess I was too scared to even look for an explanation. All I know is that what I felt for you in the past, and what I feel for you right this moment, is the same and it will never change. I saw you as a princess and I will forever see you as one, and I don't even think that I can keep it a secret anymore." And because he can't help it, he gives Jackson another kiss, this time on the lips because they're Jaebum's favorite.  
  
"Okay?" Jaebum breathes, mouth millimeters away from Jackson's.  
  
"Okay." And Jackson kisses him and kisses him and thinks 'this between us, is a secret worth keeping'.

* * *

 

 **Wangay** : i was wrong  
**Wangay** : i love my daddy  
  
**Parkgay** : did u just call your bf daddy  
**Parkgay** : also: TOLD YA  
**Parkgay** : now leave me alone im trying to make Yugy's life difficult  
**Parkgay** : go back to sucking ur 'daddy's dick lmao  
  
**Wangay** : actually i sent you that msg after I finished sucking him off  
  
**Parkgay** : ....  
**Parkgay** : so slutty istg  
  
**Wangay** : ヽ(^◇^*)/  
  


* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They idiots but they idiots that love each other's dicks so its ok.


	9. First act of worship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson teases, tortures and torments, and it only leaves Jaebum seeking more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bring you more gay shit, this time with dicks out.
> 
> PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT OMG.
> 
> Tumblr: Hudana.

Jackson drives him fucking nuts.

It is not like this is the first time, nor does it seem to be the last. Jackson teases, tortures and it only leaves Jaebum chasing after more.

Jackson drives Jaebum nuts, and just like a fool, Jaebum keeps craving more.

He hates it as much as he loves it.

And this is how Jackson plays: he laughs with the interviewer, Jaebum watches, and the guy laughs at Jackson's joke because apparently his mind believes Jackson to be the most hilarious person on earth, and Jaebum can't help but relate.

Jackson grabs the mic from the interviewer's hand, yet he does not let go. He speaks on the mic, hand wrapped around the guy's own, and Jaebum just sits there feeling hopeless, only thing he can do is stare because he's aware of all the cameras and judging eyes. This is how Jackson plays, and the outcome is mostly Jaebum feeling tortured and pained and completely under Jackson's mercy.

I have seen him do more than this, he thinks, trying to comfort himself. I can take this, he tells himself, but the lie is too loud and it pierces through his stubborn ears.

And just when he thinks it couldn't get any worse than this, Jackson teases, and that is without a doubt the absolute worse.

You see, the touching, the friendliness, all sorts of physical torture, Jaebum can bear. For physical torture only angers him and he's learned how to deal with anger a long time ago, and being friendly is a trait in Jackson's personality.  
It is the emotional mind-control that Jaebum cannot take.

Jackson takes his sanity away bit by bit.

The interviewer -the guy that has no claim over Jackson whatsoever, and never will because Jaebum knows Jackson's games by now, knows that he enjoys winning as much as playing, and god does he play dirty- smacks Jackson's butt after Jackson loses at a dumb game that they all had to play. The smack itself is not so hard, but because Jackson is a drama queen, of course he has to take it to the next level.

The next level being moaning and whimpering as if he were sitting on Jaebum's cock.

The irony in all this is that they are fools if they actually believe that Jackson loses. Jackson wins everytime, in some way or another, and Jaebum's lost everything to him a long time ago.

The interviewer blushes so hard his ears turn pink. He looks like a teenager who just got to know what porn is, and Jaebum can not blame him. He looks at the camera-director, who's giving the 'this is not gonna make it into the final cut' look, and the guy looks a bit relieved. The boys do not seem that fazed though: Jinyoung just rolls his eyes, Mark laughs awkwardly, Yugyeom tries to hold his laughter, Bambam looks scarred for life, and Youngjae doesn't understand a single thing of what just happened.

Jaebum? he is simply done. And when Jackson goes to sit down, faking another gasp and massaging his ass as if to dull the pain that is not even there away, he spares Jaebum a quick glance, then grins.  
The bastard actually grins and Jaebum is so hard and so out of control it hurts.

He's so in love with him he sometimes feels stupid because of it.

The rest of the interview goes smoothly and surprisingly Jackson doesn't try anything else. He does, however, ignore Jaebum the entire time.

It's all part of the game.

When the interviewer asks the final question and when they finally say their last words to the camera, Jaebum makes his way to where Jackson's standing. He stops on his tracks when he sees the interviewer come to stand close to Jackson, way too close in fact. The prey laughs at something Jackson mutters to him, and Jaebum watches as he takes out his phone and types something on it. He puts it back inside the pocket of his tight jeans, then two seconds later Jackson takes his phone out and glances down at the illuminated screen.

Jaebum has officially had enough.

He could walk over to them, put his hand on Jackson's neck, squeeze and watch as comprehension hits the guy like a brick of stone. He could take Jackson's phone right there and delete the number and text that he knows Jackson doesn't really care about. But it is because he knows that, and knows that Jackson does to, that he turns around on his heels and exits the set.

It is not his place to make decisions for Jackson anyway.

  
♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢♢

  
When they return to the dorm, neither of them says a single word. They go to their room, and Jaebum heads to the shower first because Jackson likes to take his time in it after.  
Jaebum doesn't bother putting his clothes on after getting out of the bathroomn, and when he feels Jackson's eyes on him, for the the first time today, he feels a bit of control coming back to him.

He sits on his bed, listening to the shower getting turned on. His cock half-hard -had been that way since that shameless game started- twitches at the thought of Jackson naked and pliant under his hands. He breathes in and out, in and out, trying to will his heart to stop hammering against his chest, but all offort is pointless when he hears the shower finally being turned off.

His heart does not slow down when Jackson steps inside the room, only beats harder, the way it's accustomed to everytime Jackson is around. Before Jackson could take any steps further, Jaebum says "stop" and Jackson does not need to be told twice. His hand grips the towel when Jaebum gets up on his feet, and the older one wants to thank whatever god that might be listening for not looking as weak as he feels, for not having his knees give up on him at the mere sight of Jackson in front of him: a piece of art, a work of god. And Jaebum was never that religious, but a beauty like this kind of compels him to be a worshipper, for a beauty like this deserves to be worshipped all the time.

His feet move and he stands in front of Jackson, eyes following a drop of water that's traveling and making its way down, down, starting from Jackson's breast bone, down, until it it touches Jackson's abs. Down and down until it disappears when it reaches the towel riding low on Jackson's slender hips.

There is a thirst consuming Jaebum that even water wouldn't be able to satisfy. He curls his fingers around the towel, pulling jackson's hips flush against his, and there is no mistaking who's in control now. The satisfaction is immense and dangerous -arrogant even- when Jackson releases that sweet, sweet moan that only Jaebum's capable of drawing out of him. A sound too real, too honest, too out of control that even Jackson couldn't fake. He looks up to meets those big eyes staring up at him with completely blown out pupils, and the pride that Jaebum feels at seeing his own hunger reflected back at him is overwhelming yet empowering. He licks his lips, throat dry. Jackson licks his own, mimicking the movement right away, and when he tilts his head forward to taste, Jaebum stops him with a hand around his neck, squeezing gently because this is not about who's stronger. It is not about who submits to whom, for even if Jackson is the one bracketed against the wall, and although he's the one with a possessive hand around his neck, at the end of the day it all comes back to him anyway. He is held but he holds the leash from both ends, just like he holds the strings playing with Jaebum's heart and mind.

A marionette, is what he is.

The other hand that was holding the towel travels and brushes slightly against the outline of Jackson's cock, but instead of cupping it in his hand, Jaebum goes for Jackson's hand. His palm is sweaty when it touches Jaebum's own, but Jaebum's used to that by now.

Sweat is Jackson and everything that is Jackson, Jaebum adores.

He takes Jackson's hand, puts it on his own aching cock, and Jackson's intake of breath is beautiful. "Feel this?" He asks, sounding pained and mad at the same time, and when he doesn't hear an answer, he tightens Jackson's grip around his cock, making both of them groan at the same time. "Jackson, answer me," but the younger one is too out of it to say anything, so he just nods and bites his lips.

Suddenly, Jaebum is not mad anymore.

He sighs, hand leaving Jackson's neck to brush some of Jackson's wet hair out of the way. He brings their foreheads together, and the space between their parted lips is so small and teasing yet so big and torturing. And when Jaebum speaks, Jackson can feel each word being traced against his lips.

"You do this to me," he says. "Always have and always will," he laughs, at himself, at how weak he sounds and feels. "You got me wrapped up around your little finger and you don't even realise it," he admits, "but maybe you do realise it, maybe that's why you tease and taunt me whenever you feel like it. Because deep down you are fully aware that this is how I'll always respond." The vunerability of the soul bleeds out through each sentence, each word, yet no shame or embrassment is felt. There is only honest want, so naked, so bare, so fragile that most people die without ever getting to experience. The rules and the walls that Jaebum always thrives to follow go down easily in front of Jackson, maybe because he does not judge. Maybe because he is the good different that Jaebum needed to have as a part of his life.

He lets go of Jackson's hand and frames his head between both hands, fingers tracing his cheekbones and sharp jawline.

"Talk to me." He whispers, only for Jackson to hear.

"Please."

Goddammit Jaebum is so weak.

"Please what princess. Use your words." Two fingers play with Jackson's lower lip, pressing gently against it.

"I'm sorry."

The little laugh that Jaebum lets out at that is soft. Adoring.

"You know you're not."

"I'm not." Jackson admits, not sounding the slightest bit ashamed.

"I knew that already babe." His fingers press a little bit more on Jackson's lip, and Jackson does not need to be told what to do. His body reacts as if on queue, and his lips wrap around Jaebum's thumb, sucking the digit in.

"That's my good boy." Jaebum praises, feeling pride and affection swell inside of him. "Here is what's gonna happen," he starts, taking his finger out then pressing it back in just to watch the way Jackson's mouth opens up to take him, pink lips sinful and beautiful and ready to be used.

"I am going to drop down to my knees, and you're going to let that towel slide down and away so I can finally wrap my hand around that pretty cock of yours. Then I'm going to replace my hand with my mouth, kiss the head and lick at it until you're all leaking and wet for me, but I'm not gonna take you in until I make sure that you've become a writhing mess. And when I ask you who you belong to you're going to answer me just right, and when I swallow you down you're going to take what you want and I will let you because that's what I always do anyway." He looks away from Jackson's mouth, and asks: "sounds good?"

"Fuck, yes."

Jaebum smiles. "Yes what?"

"Yes daddy."

"Good boy." Jaebum says, and the towel hits the floor the moment his knees do.

And worshiping is what he does. He kisses the tip of Jackson's cock and licks it the way he promised, he tries to recall the way Jackson does it, so he teases the head with his teeth just a bit, pulling at the foreskin with his lips and teasing it again and again, until the moans leaving Jackson's mouth start to sound pained and needy. When Jaebum finally takes Jackson's cock in his mouth, he struggles with fitting the whole length inside, so his other hand wraps around the base where his mouth can't reach and he jerks it slowly, the way they both prefer, and when wetness gathers at the tip, his mouth moves down sucking gently while his finger presses and smears precum all over the head, getting it wetter and messier. He worships and worships until his jaw starts to ache, and this is new to him, all of it, but it seems like Jackson doesn't mind because seconds later, he feels Jackson bucking his hips, asking for permission to take what he wants, but Jaebum does not grant it to him just yet. Not until he asks "who do you belong to?" And Jackson trembles a little bit but says, "You. Only you," over and over again. And this time, when Jaebum closes his lips around his cock, Jackson thrusts and fucks into it carefully. He lets Jaebum get used to the feeling, and when Jaebum looks up at him, he goes after what he's been dreaming about all this time and takes what he needs.

What they both need.

Jackson says I'm close and Jaebum finally stands up, letting his own towel fall to the floor, and there are no words between them but they've done this a countless times already, so Jackson does what's natural to him and puts his hand around their cocks and they soon find the right rhythm. They kiss and they kiss and Jackson can taste himself on Jaebum's tongue, and the thought of that alone pushes the climax out of the both of them at once.

"You're mine." He says, needing to say it out loud, wanting both of them to hear it, to share it the way they share everything else, just between the two of them: Their sacred secret that no one else deserves to know.

"No one else's." Jackson responds, no hesitation whatsoever, for he's never had any doubt about who he belongs to even for a second.

Jackson teases, tortures and torments, and it only leaves Jaebum seeking more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The longest chapter I've ever written is about sucking dick. Very me indeed.


	10. First date (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And they both bleed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO’S BACK!!! BACK AGAIN? HUDA’S BACK!! TELL A FRIEND!!!
> 
> Lord oh lord. I know. I have been away for way too long, but I am here. This is my last year of university studies, and I have been struggling with stress and my (various) health problems. But you know what? I am SO excited to be back, and I hope you guys are too. Please enjoy the gay, I’ve missed my boys and I’ve missed y’all.

Jackson does not understand.  
They have known each other for quite some time; been around each other way too often that whenever one of them is absent, the other keeps hearing a ghost voice calling his name in a gentle yet masculine tone. Jackson has always believed that, while coaxing someone into trying out something they’ve always shied away from can take a great deal of time and effort, the wait is mostly worth it at the end. This belief, in Jackson’s case, is what made his relationship with Jaebum develop this far. Jackson can be pushy sometimes and that is a well-known fact about him, but he only pushes when he knows he’s going to get; when he’s sure of what he will get. With Jaebum, pushing is teasing, and Jackson has always been a big fan of pushing at Jaebum’s buttons; of seeing how far it’d get him.

Jaebum has shown Jackson throughout the years that he is a man that is hard to change, yet easy to adapt. He’s taught Jackson how to be patient; how to ask for something without expecting anything in return. Jackson, thanks to Jaebum, has learned that not all people were lucky enough to be able to open up about who they are or what they aspire to become. He’s learned that feelings -as easy as they were for him to understand- were to some people a big issue and a huge source of insecurities in their life. Furthermore, Jackson has come to the realization that to want is to suffer in return, and to get is to lose because you can’t have it all the way you want it to be.

Jackson gets it, really; and when he doesn’t, he tries to. But sometimes it’s too hard for him to decipher Jaebum’s true intentions and actions.

It’s not like touching is something new to them. Hell, Jaebum has never once tried to keep his hands off of Jackson even before they got together. During the three months that they’ve been doing ‘this’, Jackson is pretty sure he’s had more orgasms than when he first hit puberty and learned through porn that vaginas and dicks were both too much fun to miss on. Jaebum took care of him in every sense of the word; and the mornings where Jackson wakes up to Jaebum’s mouth on him are way more frequent than the ones where he doesn’t. The point is: Jaebum is pretty comfortable with Jackson’s body, and the younger one is accustomed to having his body explored nearly everyday by Jaebum’s hands and mouth.

That’s why it doesn’t make sense. That’s why Jackson does not understand. He does not fucking get why every time he suggests that they should take it to the next level, Jaebum simply kisses him on the forehead and instead decides to make Jackson come some other way. And honestly, it wouldn’t be a problem if Jackson’s self-esteem wasn’t so messed up when it comes to Jaebum.

“Like, what if he’s not into me?” He tells Jinyoung one day.

Jinyoung’s eyebrows furrow in confusion then in annoyance, because he’s heard this statement coming out of his friend’s mouth countless times before. “What’s it again?” He sighs, then lays his head on Jackson’s lap, looking up at him as Jackson turns the tv off and throws the remote on the couch.

Jackson lays a hand on Jinyoung’s forehead, massaging and playing with his hair a bit. He takes a deep breath then says, “Jb refuses to have sex with me.”

Jinyoung snorts. “I literally walked in on you on your knees as he was fucking the shit out of your throat the other day and I still have PTSD because of that incident to the point where I can’t even walk past your room without getting flashbacks. And you’re telling me he refuses to have sex with you? What am I missing here?”

Jackson rolls his eyes at him. “That’s oral sex, we do that all the time. I meant anal, you know? As in his dick up my hole? As in him splitting me in half-“

“Are you trying to traumatize me even more? Too much info that I do not appreciate, dude!” Jinyoung groans and decides to sit up so he could look at his best friend better. “Did you talk to him about it?” He asks. Jackson stays silent, and Jinyoung doesn’t need to read his face in order to know the answer.

“Are you serious? Jackson why do you always expect people to answer you when you yourself do not even bother to ask them!”

Jackson doesn’t look apologetic at all, which Jinyoung has grown used to. “You expect me to just go ‘hey I thought we were boyfriends, but I don’t get why everytime I try to stick your dick up my ass, you decide that it is better to do something else instead’?”.

“You do realize that he’s new to all of this, right? You ever considered that he might be nervous? Or afraid that he’s going to mess it up?”

Jackson takes a moment to think then says, “and you do realize that he’s always preferred girls. What if he doesn’t want to have sex with me because he’s disg-“

“If you say disgusted I swear to everything, I will end our friendship right fucking now.”

“Fuck. I don’t know!” Jackson grips the back of his neck with a tight grip, trying to anchor himself the way Jaebum would do for him, except he’s not here and he’s the reason of all this frustration inside Jackson’s head. “I’m afraid,” he finally admits to himself and to his friend. “I’m afraid of his answer; afraid of the real reason; afraid of his reaction; afraid that if I eventually get what I want, I might end up disappointing him. Like what if I’m not good enough? What if he finally discovers that he could have something better? Easier? I’m fucking terrified, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung pulls Jackson’s hand away from his neck and holds it between his own hands. “Hey, look at me,” he says, “he loves you. I’ve never seen anyone desire someone this much in my life. I’m not saying this to make you feel better, okay? I’m stating facts. Jackson, listen. Talk. To. Him. Ask him about it and I’m sure he’ll tell you everything you need to know. Just ask him and stop torturing yourself. Knowing is better than staying ignorant even when the latter seems less painful. You get it?”

And Jackson nods.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three days after his conversation with Jinyoung, Jackson finally gathers up the courage to confront Jaebum. To be quite frank, he wasn’t the one who initiated the conversation first, so he was caught off guard when they were laying in Jaebum’s bunk, bodies sweaty and room reeking of sex, and Jaebum asked him out of nowhere: “what’s wrong?”

Jackson’s heart skips a beat, and he knows that there’s no way that Jaebum could’ve missed it because of the way their chests were pressed so closely together. “Nothing,” he lies, and his heart skips another beat.

Jaebum doesn’t answer, instead he puts a hand on Jackson’s chest to feel the fast beating of his heart under the palm of his hand.

A hand that’s more familiar with Jackson’s cock than his own, for it aches for it more than his own; takes pleasure from it and grips it better than his own.

“If I tell you, promise me you wouldn’t-“ he tries to think of a better way to phrase it, but he wasn’t ready; and he’s afraid; and he doesn’t understand; and he wants to know but he’s terrified of the possibilities. “Are you attracted to me?” He asks, and Jaebum bursts out laughing. “Jackson, we’re literally laying in bed after I had made you come twice. Baby, what even are you trying to get at?”

Jackson feels embarrassed and his face turns red, so he hides it in the crook of Jaebum’s neck. “I mean, do you want to have sex with me? Like, butt stuff, you know? Not just this?”

Jaebum takes his chin between his fingers so that he could look into his eyes and convey the message better. “Jackson, it’s pretty much all I could think about when I’m not distracted by the images of you on your knees with my cock between your lips. I literally have to stop myself from bending you over and fucking you senseless everytime you look at me with those huge brown eyes of yours. Why would you think I don’t want you that way?”

Jackson lets out a frustrated sigh. “Then why don’t you? Why is it that every single time I try to let you in, you shut me out? You can’t tell me it’s all in my head. It sucks and it hurts, so why?”

Jackson averts his eyes, not wanting to show any more signs of weakness by crying. He’s shown enough, he thinks. He’s revealed too much, he believes.

Jaebum takes a deep breath, and Jackson prepares himself for the worst.

“Because I want to do it right. Because I haven’t even taken you on a proper date yet. You deserve so much Jackson, so much that I can’t give. But if I am going to give you something, I rather it be as good as it could be. And nothing is ever as good as it should be because you always deserve better; always want to give you more.”

“Stop.” Jackson says, feeling as if Jaebum’s words and voice were cutting his chest open.

Bleeding. He’s bleeding.

Jaebum smiles. He kisses the top of Jackson’s head; smells the scent that they both share. They stay quiet for some time after that, and Jaebum lets Jackson process his words as he keeps laying kisses after kisses on his beautiful face. He bites him gently, once he reaches that sensitive spot behind his left ear. Jackson lets out a sigh of relief combined with want and frustration. Frustration not at Jaebum, but at himself this time. He understands now why he couldn’t, or rather didn’t ‘want’ to understand.

“Why?” He finally asks, voice hoarse and wrecked, cock already half-hard and aching. Jaebum wraps a hand around him, and Jackson whimpers. He looks at him straight in the eyes, tightens his grip possessively the way they both like it.

“Because you’re my princess. And a princess should be treated right.”

And then they both bleed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Show me some love so that I show you dicks in the next part ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	11. First date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have literally been trying to post this new chapter for months. My pc was down and everytime I tried to update using my phone, it goes to a blank page.  
> I am sorry for being this late, I just got my PC back so I can finally be productive.  
> I hope you guys are not that mad at me lmao  
> Enjoy!

 

**Wangay** : !!!!!!!! Bit cH!!!!!!!

**Parkgay** : bitch??????

**Wangay** : BiTcH!!!!! !!!!!!

**Wangay** : we going ️ on a date!!!!

**Parkgay** : omg bitch!!!!!!!??!

**Wangay** : I’m going ️ crazy!!!!!!

**Parkgay** : ok stop

**Parkgay** : whats with the airplane emoji

**Wangay** : it’s a meme get into it

**Wangay** : anyways!!!

**Wangay** : a date!!!!!!!! Hdjsjabskab

**Parkgay** : where and when tho

**Wangay** : tomorrow at 20:00 to a restaurant

**Wangay** : Tony Hong’s restaurent hehehehe

**Parkgay** : BITCH!!!!

**Wangay** : ikr???

**Parkgay** : I’m so excited for you

**Wangay** : me too i cried tears of joy

**Wangay** : im crying rn in fact

**Parkgay** : wit your dramatic ass lmao

 

**_~~< ><><><><><><>•<><><><><><><>~~ _ **

 

**Wangay** : what do i wear

**Parkgay** : when did you ever ask me that

**Wangay** : he’s your friend u know what he likes

**Parkgay** : i don’t think he cares what u wear

**Parkgay** : i know what he likes and that is u

**Parkgay** : so just go with whatever

**Parkgay** : u always look good anyway

**Parkgay** : ???

**Parkgay** : answer me bitch

**Wangay** : sorry I was wiping the tears out of my eyes

**Wangay** : you’re sometimes so nice

**Parkgay** : well im in a good mood so lmao

**Wangay** : spill

**Parkgay** : later

**Wangay** : okk

 

**_~~< ><><><><><><>•<><><><><><><>~~ _ **

 

**Wangay** : i had a dream that we went on the date and I was wearing a white wedding dress then suddenly i had my period and started vomiting rainbows on the table then I started crying and passed out

**Parkgay** : wtf

**Wangay** : is this a sign? Should I tell him im not going anymore bc my anus suddenly closed up on itself from too much stress

**Parkgay** : what the actual FUCK

**wangay** : im so n e rvous

**Parkgay** : yeah no shit honey!!!

**Parkgay** : take some deep breaths

**Parkgay** : it’s gonna be okay

**Parkgay** : the dream was just a grossly dramatic presentation of your life: gay and wishing you could get married to your man lmao

**Wangay** : :((((

**Wangay** : i don’t wanna fuck up

**Parkgay** : and you will not

**Parkgay** : you will FUCK this date. You will fuck it so hard and deep the way you want Jb to fuck you

**Parkgay** : and then you’ll tell me about it in explicit details

**Parkgay** : then i will block your thirsty ass temporarily bc i don’t need to hear about my bestfriends knocking boots

**Wangay** : awwwww

**Wangay** : u called us your bestfriends

**Parkgay** : wtf i always call u that

**Wangay** : and I always like it

**Parkgay** : lmao

**Parkgay** : ❤

**Wangay** : ❤

 

**_~~< ><><><><><><>•<><><><><><><>~~ _ **

 

**Wangay** : im dying

**Wangay** : im actually dead

**Wangay** : this is wang’s ghost texting you

**Wangay** : im 6 feet under

**Parkgay** : hi

**Parkgay** : and what the hell

**Parkgay** : yall still here

**Wangay** : we’re heading out to the restaurant soon

**Wangay** : he’s in the toilet

**Wangay** : and im sitting on my bed freaking out

**Parkgay** : calm down bb

**Parkgay** : u look good u smell good

**Parkgay** : everything will be goooood

**Parkgay** : think of it like hanging out with him on a normal day

**Parkgay** : and not like a date. It’ll be fiiiine im 100%

**Wangay** : shit he’s out of the barhroom

**Wangay** : b yeclsggf

**Parkgay** : good luck ❤

 

**_~~< ><><><><><><>•<><><><><><><>~~ _ **

 

Jackson had been stressing out about this for no reason.

 

The date had been the easiest one that Jackson went on. It was, like Jinyoung put it, like hanging out with Jaebum on a normal day. They both went out without makeup and with simple clothes on, and it had felt so normal yet so special at the same time. Tony welcomed the both of them personally, and although it had been Jaebum who picked the place, Jackson felt more comfortable there than at any other restaurant he’s been at before.

 

They didn’t eat much even though the menu was rich with a variety of foods. So, Jackson took the opportunity to strike up more conversations, and Jaebum’s always a good company and open ears ready to listen to whatever Jackson has to say.

 

One time while they were eating, Jackson looked at Jaebum and saw something there. Jackson suddenly felt lightheaded, and the fact that he is in a date with someone he’s been crushing on for years hit him like a brick aimed directly at his chest. He felt the urge to run away; to cry. He put his glass down for it would slip away from his hand because of how much it was sweating, then quickly averted his eyes from Jaebum’s questioning ones.

 

A few seconds later, it turned out that Jaebum hadn’t even been in need of an explanation from him. He put the chopsticks that he’d been eating with down, and held Jackson’s sweaty hand in his as if it would break under the slightest bit of pressure. Once Jackson had mustered the courage to look into his eyes again, Jaebum had smiled warmly and said: « okay? » which somehow lifted all the weight that had been sitting on Jackson’s chest.

« Yeah, » Jackson responded, turning his hand around to hold Jaebum’s more firmly this time.

 

They had stayed like that: hand in hand throughout the rest of the meal. Tony refused to charge them, expressing how grateful he was that he got to see Jackson after so long and asking them to return to the restaurant soon.

 

They had to stop holding hands the moment they walked out of the restaurant.

 

**_~~< ><><><><><><>•<><><><><><><>~~ _ **

 

**Parkgay** : how did it go!!!!!

**Wangay** : I’m happy :)

**Parkgay** : and that’s all that matters :)


End file.
